A Lovely Little Potion
by jeumaitre
Summary: After a brief encounter with a stalker fangirl, James and the Marauders decide that love potions at breakfast would be a great prank. A brief oneshot that I wrote out of boredom.


**A Lovely Little Potion**

"Uhhh… Prongs?" Sirius asked James the next day as they went down to breakfast.

"Yeah, Padfoot?" James responded.

"Look to your left for a second." Remus said.

"Why?" James said glancing to his left. He just caught a glimpse of long black hair before it whipped out of sight down the corridor. "Who in Merlin's name was that?"

"I do believe that was Amanda Vane." Sirius said stifling a laugh.

The look of horror that crossed James's face was priceless. "You mean that horrible little stalker third year? What the bloody hell is she following us for?"

"Ah-ah, I don't believe there is an 'us', Prongs buddy." Peter said, bouncing in glee. "I do believe she is following you."

"I suggest you watch what you eat or drink around her. She seems serious about this." Remus said with a wide grin.

"Will you guys stop joking around about this? This is life or death here!" James said, slightly panicky. "I could actually end up potioned up and married to that crazy creature! Won't any of you help your best mate in his time of need?"

"Relax, Prongs." Sirius said with a completely serious look on his face, something that very rarely occurred. This calmed James down until he heard Remus say, "We'll make sure we are there to support you at your wedding."

The other three Marauders broke into laughter as they finally entered the Great Hall and took their seats at the table for breakfast. James caught a glance at Amanda and she gave him a glowing smile causing his face to pale.

"Come on, Prongs, eat something." Sirius said, elbowing him.

"There is no way I'm touching anything. Who knows what that insane little demon has done to my food?"

"How can she do anything to it?" Peter asked. "She doesn't know what you are going to eat and she can't spike everything."

Feeling a bit more relaxed, James took a bit of scrambled eggs which he usually never touched. It wasn't because he didn't like them; he just preferred pancakes or waffles over eggs. As an added precaution, he grabbed the plate and goblet of Katherine Bell before she could use it. When she looked about to protest, he said quickly, "Life or death. No time to explain!" before helping himself to a long awaited breakfast. A quick glance at Amanda showed her glowering at her plate and James idly wondered what would happen if a girl was to drink Amanda's potion. He filed that away under Potential Pranks before finishing his food and leaving the Hall with the other Marauders, being careful to avoid looking at Amanda.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, Prongs…" Sirius started as they began climbing the staircase to their Charms class later that day. "I reckon things have been a little too quiet lately…"

"You know, I've been thinking the same thing…" James said with a grin. "What do you think, Moony, Wormtail?"

"Oh, yes." Peter said.

"Quite definitely." Remus added.

"You know, I believe I may have just the thing. And it came from the oddest of places…" James said with a mischievous grin.

"I know that smile." Sirius said, breaking into a grin of his own. "This should be fun!"

"Come on, Prongs, fill us in!" Peter exclaimed.

"Okay, okay… Remus, what exactly do you know about… Love potions?" James said with a wink.

Remus looked confused for a second before his eyes widened. "Oh, this should be good…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A Saturday later saw all four Marauders sitting down at breakfast with wide grins on their faces. The week had passed relatively uneventfully, that is if you didn't count random meaningless pranks (which the Marauders didn't. That was simply life), and some who knew them fairly well couldn't stop glancing at them fearfully every few seconds. Anything that made the Marauders smile that much wasn't good news for the rest of the school's population.

Just after the last bit of food had left the plates and everyone was standing up to go relax for the day the four Marauders stood up with their wands out. A massive explosion from the upper levels of the castle had all of the teachers out of their chairs and out into the castle, with a quick warning for the others to stay in the Hall.

"Thank you Peeves," Peter whispered. With a quick incantation, four throne-like chairs sprung out of the ground and each Marauder took their seat, looking out expectantly over the crowd. The reason why was almost immediately apparent.

"I love you, Sirius Black!" Yelled out a girl from Ravenclaw.

"Peter, won't you please go to Hogsmeade with me later?" A girl from Hufflepuff called.

"Remus, you look so cute today! Won't you walk me to class?" A Slytherin called, earning disapproving stares from her male housemates.

"James, please go out with me tomorrow!" A Gryffindor shouted.

A moment later, all four boys were being mobbed by desperate girls, all clamoring for their affections. All but one. James had made it clear in no uncertain terms that Lily Evans was not to be part of this prank. Many members of the male population were cheering and looking on with envy. Some just stood there slack-jawed while their girlfriends professed their undying love for the Marauders.

Sirius glanced lazily at James for a second before saying, "You know this is how I always envisioned my life would end up. Surrounded by lovely, intelligent witches, all wanting a piece of me." Before any of the Marauders could answer, another voice carried out among the crowd.

"Severus, please! Accept my love for you!" Amanda Vane was chasing a rather harried looking Severus Snape around the Great Hall attempting to kiss him. "Please, we would be perfect together!"

"No!" Snape yelled, looking quite panicked. "Get away from me, you loony psychopath!"

The whole Hall had quieted to watch this display, even those attempting to climb the Marauders' thrones to get in their laps.

Amanda's eye twitched twice before she started screaming. "SEVERUS SNAPE, YOU WILL ACCEPT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU! YOU WILL NOT TREAT ME THIS WAY!" She pulled out her wand and advanced threateningly on a terrified looking Snape.

"James Potter!" Another voice rang over the crowd and said boy flinched. "What in Merlin's name do you think you are doing?"

Lily Evans was standing in the entry way of the Hall, having arrived to breakfast late. She looked absolutely livid at the display going on in front of her. "Evans! I always knew you cared deep down!" If anything, this made her even more angry. Before she could come any closer though, the horde of Gryffindor girls closed ranks in front of James, preventing her from getting through.

James glanced at the other Marauders and they gave a small nod. He sighed and silently said the spell to release the girls from their potions, causing most of them to begin looking around rather confusedly, none more so than the girl who had managed to pin Snape down and had been trying desperately to kiss him.

"Hello, love." Sirius said to the blonde still sitting in his lap. "I don't believe we've met before. I'm Sirius Black, what can I do for someone as lovely as you?"

The girl looked at him for a second before realizing where she was and jumped off of him with a blush. After a few seconds most of the other girls had realized what they had been doing and immediately grew horrified. They glanced at the Marauders in disbelief as they vanished their thrones before wands began emerging everywhere.

"Ladies, ladies…" Sirius began. "No need to fight… There are enough of us for everyone--" He was cut off a red jet of light shot at him from among the crowd. "Yeesh… Touchy crowd…"

"Yes, Sirius, please try not to make them any angrier than they already are." Peter whispered.

"Ladies, I can understand you are angry." Remus began. ("How come they don't shoot him?" Sirius whispered.) "However, now you know that love potions aren't something to be trifled with. If we hadn't released the charm, how many of you would have made a terrible, irrevocable mistake?"

The crowd grew solemn at this. Many had entertained the thought of using a potion to catch their love interest, but they hadn't been brave enough to attempt it. Now, they knew they never would.

"Now, if you'll excuse us, we have some homework to do." James said as they left the Hall with the silent crowd still watching them expectantly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bloody hell that was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life!" James said as the four entered the roomy passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor. It was the easiest place to hide since they were sure no one knew about it besides them.

"I can't believe we made it out of that…" Sirius said. "Next time let's just go find Voldemort… He can't be any scarier than that lot…"

"I thought we were going to be decorating the school common rooms for sure! Good thing Moony had a back-up plan, eh?" Peter said, dropping to the ground in relief.

Remus looked at them incredulously before saying, "What are you talking about? I didn't have any back-up plan! I made it all up as I went along!"

The three other Marauders looked at him in amazement for a second before Sirius said, "You mean everything back there was a lie?"

"Well, yeah! I thought we were dragon bait for sure so I just started saying whatever came to my mind!"

"You're incredible Moony." James said fervently while the others nodded their heads. "I don't know what we would have done without you."

"I'm gonna hazard a guess and say our bits would have been hanging in our dorms by morning." Peter said with a shudder.

"Pfff… I said the first thing that came to mind and what happened? I get shot at!" Sirius griped. "Bloody bunch of harpies…"

**So? Did you like it? Just something I threw together in my spare time. If I get enough positive feedback, I might just post more scraps. I do have quite a few lurking in my mind…**


End file.
